How To Crush the Millennial Dating Scene

Tanya B
Jun 3, 2017
5 min read

Hello Readers (all five of you)

It's been awhile, I know. Yes, life has been crazy busy, but honestly the reason why I've been so MIA is because I just didn't have any ideas. I honestly don't know how professional bloggers come out with so many new blog posts consistently. Actually, I do. First, they get paid via ads and other promotions and most of the time the content they put out is mediocre at best. I am sadly not being paid to do this; I was actually offered a few bucks by a friend once to stop talking about my blog but I don't think that really counts. I also don't have the time to make a post I wouldn't enjoy reading. Why would I do that when I'm still convinced I'm my only reader?

Now that it's summer I have some more free time to plan to do exciting things like go to the beach and concerts but I just usually end end up napping instead. A few weeks ago I was watching a new show called "First Dates" created by Ellen DeGeneres. It's literally just a show documenting blind dates between people in a swanky Chicago restaurant. My mom told me to watch it right after telling me I should apply to be on the show (if she's not a crazy Jewish mom then the world as I know it is a lie).

So I'm sitting in bed eating cereal, as one does, watching this show. And I have a mental light bulb- this show is essentially my life. I am a young millennial in Chicago who goes on lots of dates. Not usually swanky restaurants, but now I have a new goal to work towards. Why do I go on blind-ish dates, you ask? Maybe because I eventually want to get married and have kids, but more because I really like free food and intend on writing a book about my horrid dating experiences one day. I so often get requested to blog about my bad dates but I figure why post them on a free platform when I could make people spend $16.99 on a hardcover to fund my unhealthy purse collection?

So I decided to somewhat compromise and create a list of how to crush the millennial dating scene. Yes I'm single and haven't had a lot of great dates, so possibly take this list with a grain of salt. Maybe think of it as more of a "what not to do" list.

1. Go on lots of dates. As the product of backyard neighbors who met in third grade, fell in love in high school and have been inseparable ever since, I obviously know what I'm talking about. Maybe my teenage rebellion was that instead of meeting the love of my life early on, I would force myself into uncomfortable situations with strange men. So my advice is to go on lots of dates with all types of people. People who you wouldn't normally be into, because I've found that those are often the most exciting ones. And if not for any better reason, do it for the free food or drinks and the opportunity for a good laugh with your friends later.

2. Don't take it so seriously. When I first started dating in college, I went into every date thinking, "Okay, this could be it. You could be five minutes away from meeting your husband." That unrealistic thought process set me up for a slew of let downs and failure. The moment I realized they weren't the future Mr. Tanya B I became discouraged and assumed I was going to die alone. Well I have now learned that the chances of you meeting your future spouse on silly dating apps like Tinder is extremely low. Take the apps for what they are: a way to meet new people to either hookup with, block on Facebook later on, become actual friends with, or just a way to boost Instagram likes. When you go into it with an open mind and low expectations, you are much more likely to enjoy the ridiculous process that is blind dating.

3. Don't get too wrapped up in the excitement. The idea of having hundreds or thousands (depending where you live) eligible bachelors at your fingertips 24 hours a day is thrilling. Like most thrilling things, it can become addicting. It's easy to find yourself swiping on every decent looking bloke you come across. It becomes a game-- the new Candy Crush. You use it during breaks at work, on the toilet, and even in particularly boring lectures. I am guilty of getting caught up in the accessibility of potential dates. I found myself making it a competition-- how many matches can I get today? How many dates can I fit in this month? That became a problem when I lost sight of the fact that these guys were human beings. Even if they weren't looking for anything serious, treating them as just another match was dehumanizing and unfair to them. If you are going to chat or go on a date with a person, put yourself in their shoes. Blind dates are awkward and scary as shit. You are stuck with this person you don't know for at least an hour. If you're shy or bad at small talk, this could be more anxiety inducing than swimming in a pool of sharks. Don't be an asshole, give them the respect they deserve.

4. Gain something from every connection you make. This is pretty much an elaboration on the previous point, but I think it's important enough to make it its own bullet point. You will have shitty, cringe worthy dates. It's just a fact. But that doesn't mean you can't take something from them. Every situation in life is an opportunity to grow as a human being and become mindful of how other people live and think. Don't be selfish--use even the worst experiences as a learning opportunity. Only a truly horrible date or waste of time is one where you decide to zone out because you immediately decide that you don't want to date them.

5. Write them all down for memories. It's a great thing to look back on, especially when you're on the couch with your husband, kids, and dog twenty years from now living the life. It will be a reminder of where you came from and how lucky you are to have the life you've always wanted. It also may be become a New York Times Best Seller one day.

6. Last but not least, know when to GTFO. I know that seems counter intuitive from the other bullet points, but sometimes you just gotta love yourself and run. Run if they somehow find out your sister's middle name before even meeting you. Run if they try to tell you that one of your biggest passions in life is pointless and that you're not even good at it. Run if they kiss their hand and raise it to the sky every time they mention their frat (Yes; all of those things happened to me). Run if they don't like ice cream, dogs, or Ellen.

So there's my "expert" guide to dating in 2017. If you want more specific, and hilarious stories about my dating life, keep an eye out on Amazon for my autobiography in a few years.

Until next time....