To The Man Who Asked If I Was Seeing A Psychiatrist...

Today was my last day of work for the summer. I am lucky enough to have had a summer job I really enjoyed with awesome co workers and an amazing boss (shout out to you if you're reading this!) I'm also lucky that my shifts go by quickly because I spend the majority of the time chatting with my coworkers and making them laugh (they may be laughing at how ridiculous I am, but a laugh is a laugh).

I was explaining to them my process of how to ask a stranger to take a picture of you. There's a science behind it-- you have to pick the right person or else your photo is doomed. As I'm explaining this silly theory to my coworkers, a security officer walks up to the desk. This is normal for where I work so I didn't think much of it. I greeted the man and he asked what we were talking about. I excitedly told him about the scientific approach (blatantly kidding) behind finding someone to take your picture. I could see the annoyance in his face almost immediately. Now, I didn't expect him to actually be interested in what I had to say, and I'm used to people giving me reactions like he did. If you didn't know my sense of humor and didn't know that I was being rather over the top on purpose, then I totally understand why you would think to yourself, "This girl really has a formula for getting people to take pictures of her??"

He continues to listen as I address my coworkers because they are the ones I was originally talking to, not a random bystander who thought it was his right to join our conversation while he is on the job. As I continue to explain, he continuously cuts me off to makes comments about how ridiculous this is but I continue on with my story. Then he looks at me and says, "Are you seeing a psychiatrist?"

I was caught off guard. How does me explaining a silly theory about photographs make you think of whether or not I'm seeing a doctor for mental health issues?

I could tell my boss had enough of this when she told me that I didn't have to answer. She nicely defended me by telling the security officer that I am actually a great person and the best employee she's ever had (okay maybe not those words exactly, but you get the point). And she was right, I didn't have to answer. But I decided to anyway and told him, "No, I don't see a psychiatrist but I'm not sure what that has to do with me taking photos." He then went on to say that taking pictures is a waste of time and that I need to "let it go" (not really sure what I'm supposed to be letting go of. My phone? Don't really want it to fall on the ground and break. My joy in having pictures taken to remember important moments in my life later down the road? No, that makes me happy) and that I should consider seeing a psychiatrist for my 'problem.' I decided that he wasn't worth my attention and just kind of ignored his comments from there on out.

But here is what I wish I would have done. I'm pretty sure he asked me if I was seeing a psychiatrist because he assumed I wasn't. The moment I told him that I wasn't he said that, "I should be." He seemed to have this answer already formulated in his head. I could tell this is what he thought would be a funny thing to say (but guess what, I'm pretty much the funniest person I know and you sir are not very funny). There is a fine line when it comes to humor and you crossed it pretty quickly. I think his intention was to say, "You're crazy for wanting people to take a photo of you and your friend in front of the skyline! Maybe you need to see someone about that." While I still don't find that very funny, at least that response isn't as insulting to the millions of people actually seeing psychiatrists daily.

After he left I started to think about what would've happened if I had said, "Yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist." I'm sure that wasn't the answer he was expecting so he probably would've been caught off guard. I would like to think he would've then apologized, but he probably would've continued to go along with it by saying something like, "Well they aren't doing their job!" or "You need to be on meds then." Either way, it wouldn't have ended well.

Here's the thing, even if I was seeing a psychiatrist, that is not an okay question to ask a stranger. How would you like it if I came up to you and asked if you ever self harmed? Or if you ever had a panic attack? Or you ever forced yourself to throw up after a meal? Someone I literally just met. I'm sure you would be caught off guard and feel like your privacy was being invaded even if you hadn't suffered from any of those things.

And even if I was seeing a psychiatrist, it would be for a problem much more severe than wanting to have pictures taken of me. As someone who has a lot of personal ties to mental illness I continued to become more upset my his statements. In a way, he was writing off the huge and very real problem of mental illnesses. The fact that he equated someone liking to take selfies to someone with severe depression or schizophrenia is so hurtful to those who battle these diseases on a daily basis. I could easily stop taking pictures tomorrow. I could remove this blog if I wanted to, but people living with severe mental illnesses don't have that option. He made it seem like this was a disease I couldn't control and that if I went to the right person they could cure me of my problems.

I could tell that this man wore his uniform a little too proudly and I'm sure he pretends he's on a high speed chase as he causally rides his bike around making sure everything is in its place. The man didn't even have a gun on him, if that gives you any idea of his importance. I'm not saying that security guards are not important, but he isn't exactly fighting crime on a day to day basis. He made a point of constantly putting his hands on or near his badge and showing me that with his special key he can access anything he wanted to (congrats?). It was obvious that this man had some self esteem issues and felt the need to prove to everyone around him that he was important.

So while I was upset by his words, I also felt bad for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he himself had seen a psychiatrist in the past or was struggling with some type of mental health problem. I get it, I like to make jokes too. But just because deep down you are hurting, that doesn't mean that you need to take others down with you. You sir, are a bully. And frankly, I find it disheartening that you, a man who is supposed to protect others and keep them safe, is focusing all your time and energy on trying to make me look bad in front of my coworkers instead of actually doing your job.

I want to sit down and ask you about your life. I want to know why you say the things you do. I also want to explain why this was hurtful to all the people struggling with mental disorders. I hope that next time you will think about the consequences of your words and think about what you are implying while saying them, even if it is just meant as a joke.

To all of those going through a rough time with mental illness right now, I'm sorry I didn't formulate a response quickly enough so I could share my thoughts with this man. That's why I'm writing in this blog (also because I'm pretty sure it would annoy him). This blog and taking pictures makes me happy, so who are you to judge? Especially, who are you to tell me that I need psychiatric help for doing something that makes me happy that is not harming myself or others.

To be honest, my heart hurts for this man and all the people he so casually offended with his words today.

Hopefully my next post will be something more lighthearted but I felt like this needed to be said.

Be kind to one another,

Tanya B

#rude #rant #mentalillness #psychiatry